It hasn’t always been this way

Readers of my blog could easily be led to believe that I have always loved, been good at, and succeeded in my job. That I am some sort of Pollyanna who is always positive and happy and a delight to be around. But they’d be wrong.

I actually chose economics/commerce over teaching, straight out of high school. I was led to believe that a person who got good grades would be wasting them by becoming “just” a teacher.

I failed my first prac in a real classroom. I couldn’t control the kids in the room long enough even to get through marking the roll!

I’ve had confrontations with students and said and done the exact wrong thing. Escalated the situation and dodged literal flying objects aimed at my head as a result.

I’ve shouted when I should have kept my mouth shut, put my two cents in about situations that had nothing at all to do with me, and been downright rude to others.

I’ve gossiped and moaned and white-anted and whined, and generally spoken with absolutely no intention of wanting to fix the problem.

I’ve said things to parents in the head of the moment, defensive and riled-up, that were completely unprofessional.

I’ve gone home at the end of many days completely disenchanted. I’ve questioned whether teaching is the right career for me.

I’ve worked at schools that just didn’t suit my philosophy of what good schools should look like. I’ve nodded and smiled and followed mandates from above that I disagreed with vehemently.

I’ve been overlooked more times than not when applying for involvement in special projects, leadership opportunities, promotional positions.

In fact, in most things in my life, I’ve been second best. Pretty good but never quite good enough.

Even my blood type is A — !!!

But I wouldn’t change any of these things. I am proud of what I’ve been through, and I’m excited for what’s ahead.

What came before has made me who I am today- Stronger, hopefully a bit wiser, bolder, more myself, more me- The candle who consumes herself to (try to) light the way for others.

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  1. […] The first year went smoothly and I loved it. When it came to my first prac in the classroom, however, the realities of child behaviour and teacher accountability hit me hard. Tears were shed when, for the first time in my life, I wasn’t naturally “good” at something and found it really tough- I really thought I was going to fail […]


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